curiosity.

i made a gruesome discovery about myself today. ok..'gruesome' is a little harsh but still, i didn't like what i found. a really close friend of mine asked me about my faith and prayer. he asked me simple but such questions that requires like ground-breaking truth. and i found that i actually couldn't really explain it to the extent which i wanted him to hear.

"what is the difference between wishing and praying?"
i feel like for someone who's been a christian as long as i have (i am now 20 so i've been christian for 21 years. thats including the 9 months i was in my mom's belly), this questions shouldnt really be stumping me.

isn't wishing like a type of greed where we hold all these things, whether materialistic or not, in our hearts and just hoping that those things will come to us? or like sincerely and so determinedly(sp?) hoping that we'd come to a state where we possess those desired characteristics/materials? i dunno. it's kind of complicated..i feel like i'm answering a question for my philosophy class.

and then there's prayer. one of the most fundamental and piece of the cornerstone of our christian faith, which is our communication with God. of course there are times though..when our prayers turn to shopping lists. "Dear Lord, i want this, bless me with that..i really need this.." and i think christians tend to take advantage of the whole notion of "ask and you shall receive." in fact it is so easy to misinterpret that passage! there are several actually..

- "for everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened." - Matthew 7:8
- "If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer." - Matthew 21:22

but i feel like that shouldn't be! why is it that those who consider themselves as devout christians, would take advantage and abuse the gift of prayer? yes, it's true that if you ask and believe, you will receive. but it's not like he's gonna give us EVERYTHING.

i dunno. at this point, everything i'm saying is so simple and dull that it's just not filtering through my head.....OR! and i like this one better..it's late.

but i guess my point is that to a non-christian, it'd be easy to take praying as wishing and just take the 'easy way out.' for example, this kid was having a hard time with current situations, and he just wanted to "find religion", like how i read about many people do in tough times. he just happened to think that since christians pray to a supreme god who answers and knows our hearts and prayers, he'd even be merciful enough to hear his own little voice.

and i guess that's touching.
but that doesnt exclude the fact that i'm still really ignorant of my own faith, and my own God who gave me everything.

see why i'm frustrated?