You are more than faithful

I love Brooke Fraser's songs because she sings about stuff that are real, and not just cliche, sing-songy stuff. it's real things that happen as we walk this Christian life, and she can put it into words with pretty melodies that only can be a gift from God. but neway..this song kinda puts into words how i should think when i feel a void instead of God's presence.

There's distance in the air and I cannot make it leave
I wave my arms' round about me and blow with all my might
I cannot sense you close, though I know you're always here
But the comfort of you near is what I long for

When I can't feel you, I have learned to reach out just the same
When I can't hear you, I know you still hear everyword I pray
And I want you more than I want to live another day
And as I wait for you maybe I'm made more faithful

All the folly of the past, though I know it is undone
I still feel the guilty one, still trying to make it right
So I whisper soft your name, let it roll around my tounge,
knowing you're the only one who knows me
You know me

Show me how I should live this
Show me where I should walk
I count this world as loss to me
You are all I want
You are all I want

'tis ALMOST the season..^^

i love this weather! i love the chilliness and the layering up and the colors changing. i once heard someone tell his daughter that autumn is when God comes down to earth and paints the trees. =) God is so good!

Footprints in the sand

One night a man had a dream.

He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the LORD.

Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene, he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand: one belonging to him, and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times of his life.

This really bothered him and he questioned the LORD about it. "LORD, You said that once I decided to follow you, You would walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times of my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed You most You would leave me."

The LORD replied, "My son, My precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.

{photo via Josie's Blog}

A great place to be

7 "Now, O LORD my God, you have made your servant king in place of my father David. But I am only a little child and do not know how to carry out my duties. 8 Your servant is here among the people you have chosen, a great people, too numerous to count or number. 9 So give your servant a discerning heart to govern your people and to distinguish between right and wrong. For who is able to govern this great people of yours?"

1 Kings 3

***

Poor Solomon is all scared because God gave him the huge responsibility of leading a nation. aaand, to follow in the footsteps of King David is a huge task. Instead of carrying his head all high and thinking he could do it, he realizes the magnitude of this task and that he probably won't be able to do it all on his own. This puts him in a place where God exactly wants him to be. Solomon humbles himself and asks God for help and guidance, and it's genuine.

In this world, especially this country, everyone prizes individuality. There are plenty of ads about self-made men/women, and those people are virtually set as our examples. But it seems, as so many other times, that God wants the exact opposite. He wants us to figure out that this world is too big and we are nothing, and we need the power and help of someone like God. And this is why He sometimes puts us in places where we feel like there's nothing else that we can do, and then that's when we enlist the help of God. A prayer of "God, i don't know what I'm doing. I need your help. Your wisdom."

a kind of a weird cycle

But you are not controlled by your sinful nature. You are controlled by the Spirit if you have the Spirit of God living in you. (And remember that those who do not have the Spirit of Christ living in them do not belong to him at all.) And Christ lives within you, so even though your body will die because of sin, the Spirit gives you life because you have been made right with God. - Romans 8:9

There's some going back-and-forth here...i thought humans were born into sin. After the fall of Adam & Eve, humans were all condemned to sin after them. People are innately bad..intrinsically evil...that also supports the theory that every person has a desire to do something crazy but is suppressed by our ego (Freud's id, ego, and superego....the ego's the rational part that makes you feel guilty). but Jeremiah's saying something completely different here, and i like that.

Dual nature of the human spirit...we are sinful because of the great fall of mankind, but at the same time God wants to be with us, so He sends us the Holy Spirit to keep us holy and separate from the sinners who are really doomed. There's hope and reason to keep loving God and reading the word. because He loved/loves us enough to fish us from being lifeless souls.

one for all, all for God.

This book came for me in the mail today...i think i might've clicked on the "Send me my free copy" link on those ads on biblegateway.com...haha and it came! Who knew..

The author, Richard Wurmbrand, is an atheist-turned-Christian, and he wrote this book only 3 days after captivity during which he was tortured. I haven't really read it yet, but in the first couple pages was this line that kind of stuck out at me: "But these Nazi times had one great advantage. They taught us that physical beatings could be endured, and that the human spirit with God's help can survive horrible tortures." It's sort of off-topic, but this kinda reminded me of leaders' meeting last saturday, when we had to do physical punishments for each other. There was plenty of grumbling and huffing, but if i look at it from this standpoint, then there's really nothing to grumble about. We 'suffer' because if one brother falls, then we all fall.

Hahah..this is so far from what the book is probably talking about and what Wurmbrand (and countless other martyrs) went through, but. still. Accountability. :)

the story of faithful love

I wish i could be like ruth. (not my boss Ruth, the biblical Ruth, hahah). The book is really short, but the story is filled with so much love and makes you feel all warm inside when you're done.

Ruth left her hometown and her parents to be with her husband, but after her husband dies, Naomi, her mother-in-law tells her, to go back to her family since there is nothing left for her. While her sister-in-law moves back, Ruth resolves to stay with Naomi. She stayed despite losing her husband and being in a foreign land. Then she meets Boaz, a relative of her husband and thus technically the "next-of-kin" to marry her, who treats her super nicely. Because of her faithful love and undying will to be good to her "new" family (aka. Naomi), God blesses her with a man who'll love her even more.

That's just the gist of the entire book..but the message is all the same. She stayed and persevered and was joyful despite all her hardships. I could imagine losing your husband is devastating enough; but to remain in a foreign country is another. Ruth teaches us to persevere with her faithful love through hard times and God will deliver.

Don't be such a worry-wart...

Matthew 6.
25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"

There are so many concerns and worries over next year, as usual. Of course it's all natural; people leave at the end of the year, and the ppl who're staying behind are left to worry about the upcoming years & so forth. But i wonder if God was standing here face to face with us, what would He say? Would He throw this verse back at us? Yeah, worrying can be helpful; even psychologists say that worrying helps prepare for the future. But for the mind to be constantly thinking about that stuff? i'm pretty sure God doesn't like that either...

Didn't we learn that we should live each day as it comes, be grateful and thankful to God for each day and each moment? At this point amongst all this stress and worries about who's left to do what or etc, is taking away from the first and real reason of why we are who we are, and who God is to us.

God, is that you?

During prayer meeting yesterday, i was falling in and out of sleep during prayer time because i'd had a rough week/day, and sleep was easily coming to me.. and as i laid my head against the wall and let myself drift off to sleep, i felt like someone turned on the lights. it was interesting; inside my eyelids, there was a huge bright light, and so i opened my eyes, bcus it was pretty uncomfortable. yet warm. but neway, i woke up and started to pray...i think it was God nudging me to stop stopping and keep praying. so that's what I did. and, i can't remember what i prayed about, but i was with God. or should i say God was with me.

I think one of my biggest faults is guilt. i tend to feel guilty about everything, and God's love is one of them. but, He also tells us that's a sin. i can't help it though, my subconscious is always going towards the guilt bcus i don't deserve God's love, but you're supposed to not do that! how do you fight with your own subconscious? Christopher Nolan should make another movie about that...

we suck at pedaling

the cutest video...

i feel like this is how we are sometimes! like the little girl on the tricycle, we strive and strive to go forwards. but the i guess the wind was too strong for her? she sorta lost her momentum and she started pedaling backwards. like her, life's gusty winds might make us go in the opposite direction and we won't be able to stop it, but her dad was with her every pedal-of-the-way. encouraging and loving her, and continuously filming her even though she was throwing that lovely tantrum, "STOP GOING BACKWARDS!!!", all because she was his daughter and he still loved everything about her, all the while her going in the wrong direction. it's your heavenly father-child relationship.

Godislove.

me vs. the desert

"Dry bones, hear the word of the LORD! This is what the Sovereign LORD says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life."
Ezekiel 37:4-5

this spiritual dryness is so unbelievably taking a toll on me. i feel constantly parched spiritually, and even physically i've been drinking so much water, my hands look funny. i can definitely feel myself being stretched and tested beyond anything this dry period. sometimes, when i'm by myself, i constantly feel anger just rising from stuff that's happened in the past, which sounds ridiculous but is very very true. Alice even wrote in her blog how this is the period when God tests and trials you, to see if you are growing and maturing in the Word.

i know that I'm supposed to seek God for help because these past couple days has clearly shown me that i can't do it alone. when Ezekiel is put into a desert filled with dry bones, God tells him to prophesy to them to cry out to the Lord, and he does and the bones have life breathed into them by God, and they become alive into an army.

we are just a pile of old rattling bones, all dusty from the lack of spiritual water. but i believe crying out to God like that verse will reach His ears and He'll send us the living water to replenish us and liven us up again.

helping those who don't want to be helped

So i started on Ezekiel (i'm coming back to Isaiah..it's too hard to read!) and this is another prophetic book. chapter 3 tells the story of God talking to Ezekiel; He commands him to go prophesize and warn the Israelites because they keep screwing up and sinning. basically God tells him to o tell them to not sin anymore, because if he warns them but they still don't stop what they're doing, their death is by their own sin and Ezekiel is off the hook, but if he doesn't, then Ezekiel is just as guilty as well.

"Son of man, I have made you a watchman for the house of Israel; so hear the word I speak and ive them warning from me. When I say to a wicked man, 'You will surely die,' and you do not warn him or speak out to dissuade him from his evil ways in order to save his life, that wicked man will die for his sin, and I will hold you accountable for his blood. But if you do warn the wicked man and he does not turn from his wickedness or from his evil ways, he will die for his sin; but you will have saved yourself." Ezekiel 3:17-19

I guess that's why we have accountability partners. maybe it's what God had in mind too way back then? who knows. but what i wanna know is how do you know when to stop? it seems stopping after just once or twice or just a couple times is too 'soon', but after a million tries, then is it enough? i think that's why 'wise' people advise against missionary dating. dating someone with the mindset of bringing someone to salvation is ludicrous because YOU can't do the saving. it's GOD,..and that's why God tells us in 2 Corinthians to not yoke with nonbelievers. it's because our hearts are going to naturally fall to sin instead of bringing that nonbeliever to God.

I can't wait to go to heaven and see God, i have so many questions to ask Him.

Desert Song

"Dry bones, hear the word of the LORD! This is what the Sovereign LORD says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life." - Ezekiel 37:4-5


***
This is my prayer in the desert
When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides

This is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flame

I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

This is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

This is my prayer in the harvest
When favour and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow

the day after whenever

So i'm awake at 4am watching The Day After Tomorrow because i can't sleep. and let's face it, that won't really change after the movie's over bcus it's a crazy movie.

but neway,

the girl, Laura, is talking with jake gyllenhal's character, and they talk about "adjusting" to the things that are happening to them. you know, the entire climate shifting and practically the world ending..and she says this haunting line: "how am i supposed to adjust, sam? everything i've ever cared about, everything i've worked for, was for a preparation for a future that no longer exists. it was all for nothing."

we're supposed to make the best of whatever God's given to us, because that's what He tells us to. even with the parable of the talents, He scolds the man who buries it all in the ground to "preserve" it. but what good does that do? he was unlike the other guys, who invested it or used it for something.

everyone has their priorities. reaching the top in school, working hard towards pharmacy school, whatever. and yeah, you shouldn't waste your time as a student- you should work as hard and best as you can to become the best you could be, because otherwise you'd sorta be spitting in God's face. but when is it too much?

I'm just afraid that so many people right now are focusing too hard on a future that is temporary. i think this is why i'm not the best student, i'm hardly an average student, and i barely make the grades because i spend my time in church. my sacrificing of time of school for God is i guess my preparation for a more permanent future.


k, now that i've scared myself even more..i'm gonna finish the movie.
toodles~

You'll Come.

i guess this is song-week for me..heh.
the lyrics pretty much sums up how i'm feeling this week, so i'll just post that up.


***
I have decided I have resolved
To wait upon you Lord
My rock and redeemer shall not be moved
I'll wait upon you Lord

As surely as the sun will rise
You'll come to us
As certain as the dawn appears

You'll come let your glory fall
As you respond to us
Spirit reign flood our hearts
With holy fire again

We are not shaken we are not moved
We wait upon you Lord
Our Mighty deliverer my triumph and truth
I'll wait upon you Lord

Chains be broken
Lives be healed
Eyes be opened
Christ is revealed

we the redeemed.

during our little prayer meeting tonight, a couple of us were sharing about how we were going through dry seasons in our spiritual life. there's so much to worry and think about in this world, we don't "have the time" to sing to God like this. i wish i could forget about everything and see the light in the bad, and just worship God without any worries. it's foolish to waste my energy stressing about the stressors this world gives me.

but. back to the seasonal dry period..

there's this line here: this is the song of the redeemed rising up to praise the king our hope is in You

even living amongst the craziness in this world, God has redeemed us by sending His son to die on the cross. sooo..i say enough with the stressing and the huffing and puffing, and more with the praising.


***
There is nothing like Your love
No exchange for all You gave
To be welcomed into life
So I can know the love that saves

Now forever to belong
To walk with You for all my days
Theres no greater love than this
You are the Author and the Way

This is the sound of the redeemed
Rising up to praise the King
Our hope is in You
This is the sound of the redeemed
Rising up to praise the King

Singing glorious glorious One You have saved us
Honor and Power and Praise to the Savior.

You are the Answer You are the Answer

You come with power come with fire
As we lift Your name on high
And join with all the saints to sing
In bringing Honor to the King.

We the redeemed
Hear us singing
You are Holy
You are Holy

life's nasty recipe.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

i know that there's lots of times when i'm unhappy with something. if there is someone i know or something that's happened that just leaves a bitter taste in my mouth, then i'm more likely to avoid them/it and just curse it. buttttt, this verse is telling me the opposite. of course it's not with every single little detail of my life, but i can still try to abide by it. there might be things happening that is hard to try to fit into life that might be in "accordance with God's will", but isn't God bigger than life itself? it should be elementary knowledge by now that God's great enough to have things happen to us that we might not understand. but we only see that once we look back. we only see how constructive those struggles were once we've passed the hurtle. i think Paul was trying to tell us that even though something might smell/look/taste fishy in life, God uses all things for his work and for the good.

loss of words.

i'm not gonna lie..i've been neglecting the Word and spending time with God. I don't know why, but whenever I want to pray or prepare my heart to spend some quiet time with God, my heart feels suppressed and i end up doing something else. this happened just in this past week too..i know i've been praying more this semester, and i'm pretty sure my series of nightmares are a part of that too. demons trying to attack me in my sleep, you know.. all that good stuff. i can really tell there's a spiritual warfare going on right now, and not just with me personally but with everything else that's going around me. sometimes, when I want to pray for the church, i feel an enormous weight just pushing down on my chest and heart, and then i just get silent in the middle of prayer because i don't know how/what to say. but then, this is when we ask the Holy Spirit to intervene and help us to pray. because like it or not, satan is actually kinda stronger than us, and he can zip our mouths too if he doesn't want us to pray. but if we truly and wholeheartedly ask God for the gift of the HOly Spirit to come down on us and help us pray, i'm pretty sure we'll be okay.

"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express."
Romans 8:26

Isaiah 15-16

16v10. Joy and gladness are taken away from the orchards; no one sings or shouts in the vineyards; no one treads out wine at the presses, for I have put an end to the shouting.

- I see some major symbolism here..at least i think..the grapes are trampled on with no mercy, all the joy and gladness are taken away. And yet the juice pours out "into the wine vat", says the translation. So..God can take our joy and gladness away, or we can experience it through the world, but it still produces fruit? in the end, the good juice pours out and there is an end to the shouting.

these chapters are so confusing...

PUSH.

...pray until something happens.

Isaiah 14

v3-4. On the day the Lord gives you relief from suffering and turmoil and cruel bondage, you will take up this taunt against the king of Babylon: How the oppressor has come to an end! How his fury has ended!

- The king of Babylon was strong and mighty and pretty arrogant in his days, but he's gonna end up just like every other earthly king- in the ground.

v7. All the lands are at rest and at peace; they break into singing.

- Babylon was such an oppressive nation, so once they fall everyone will breathe and live easily.

v12. How you have fallen from heaven, O morning star, son of the dawn! You have been cast down to the earth, you who once laid low the nations!

- Is this verse talking about Satan? Because wasn't he an angel who fell out of the sky..either that or Babylon. Both the big bad guys.

v25. I will crush the Assyrian in my land; on my mountains I will trample him down. His yoke will be taken from my people, and his burden removed from their shoulders.

- Another prophecy but this time against Assyria. No matter what, God will take down any evil, bad nation who disobeys Him and oppresses His children.

v26-27. This is the plan determined for the whole world; this is the hand stretched out over all nations. For the Lord Almighty has purposed, and who can thwart him? His hand is stretched out, and who can turn it back?

- God is all-powerful, all-knowing. His sovereign purpose regarding Assyria and Babylon will be carried out.

v32. What answer shall be given to the envoys of that nation? "The Lord has established Zion, and in her his afflicted people will find refuge."

- This entire chapter was kind of scary with all the prophecies about destruction against those nations, but the last verse brings peace and puts the mind at ease. God's wrath and anger is evident throughout the entire chapter, as He's so pissed off at Assyria and Babylon, but He is still good and loves His children. He promises a safe haven for those who need it...a breath of relief.

Godis♥

Isaiah 12-13

12v2. Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The LORD, the Lord, is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation.

- These are all praises from the nation which God punished..they know they needed to be straightened out, and even though it took turmoil and war to do it, they realized that God knew what He was doing. We can really apply this today, we need to take our punishment and take it as something that would help us, not knock us down. God knows what He's doing.

12v4. "Give thanks to the Lord, call on his name; make known among the nations what he has done, and proclaim that his name is exalted."

- A perfect mentality to be in after being scorned. Tell everyone about how good God is.

13v3. I have commanded my holy ones; I have summoned my warriors to carry out my wrath - those who rejoice in my triumph.

- So now Israel has been punished, God is going to use Israel to punish her enemies. See, God wasn't just bringing all that chaos to Israel to punish them, but also to strengthen them into His army. You can find some comfort in there...

13v7. Because of this, all hands will go limp, every man's heart will melt.

- The study bible says that "courage will fail." This chapter is another prophecy of God's wrath against Babylon...yeah they have a pretty darn good army, but strength and numbers and definitely courage won't help them. It's them against God. do the math.

13v9. See, the day of the Lord is coming-a cruel day, with wrath and fierce anger- to make the land desolate and destroy the sinners within it.

- God's doing all this to destroy and punish the sinners. Sin's bad, so all sin must be terminated..?

13v11. I will punish the world for its evil, the wicked for their sings. I will put an end to the arrogance of the haughty and will humble the pride of the ruthless.

- See, God doesn't like sin and evil and arrogance. They're going down like a clown charlie brown.

13v16. Their infants will be dashed to pieces before their eyes; their houses will be looted and their wives ravished.

- Why would God do such a thing? Well apparently, it's so that these "evil" people won't breed anymore "evil" people. Major punishment here...the husbands are all away at war (getting slaughtered by God's wrath) and the women are taken captive as slaves, prostitutes, etcc..not a pretty picture.

13v19. Babylon, the jewel of kingdoms, the glory of the Babylonians' pride, will be overthrown by God like Sodom and Gomorrah.

- They should've obeyed God's commands and been good, not living all selfishly and satisfying their carnal needs.

Godis♥

Isaiah 10-11

10v3. What will you do on the day of reckoning, when disaster comes from afar? To whom will you run for help? Where will you leave your riches?
- would you, not like the rich young ruler, be able to leave all your possessions behind and follow Jesus if he asked? not just THINGS, but even people. i think that's a part that a lot of us forget..riches just don't count as money or cars; i think it counts for some people as well.

10v5. Woe to the Assyrian, the rod of my anger, in whose hand is the club of my wrath!

- God used Babylon to punish other nations...so God can use my enemies to punish me if I reallly tick him off. it's not something to laugh at, but to fear.

11v6. The wolf will live with the lamb, the leopard will lie down with the goat, the calf and the lion and the yearling together; and a little child will lead them.

- sounds like a pretty much idealistic scene..the study bible calls this the "future of the Messianic age"..I'm guessing this is sort of prophesizing how things will be after the Messiah comes.

=)

"I thank my God every time I remember you."

Philippians 1:3

:)

Captivate.

[Starfield].


†
You say, strength is found in weakness
Peace in incompleteness
So why do I hold on?

You look, For a heart that's open
For beauty in the broken
So why am I withdrawn?

My soul's screaming out
To be found in You

Spirit draw me to my knees
Captivate all of me, all of me
Here before You honestly
Captivate all of me, all of me

I'm so messy and distracted
Undisciplined and tactless
Here on the inside

I thought age would tell the secrets
But the secrets are still secret
And the years are passing by

Teach me to wait in the moments of my need
Teach me to hear the melodies of peace