confusion

sometimes you make huge mistakes. whether you let it happen or not..regardless you are stuck with the consequences. either with having to face people or just silently punishing yourself. can i say that God let me act so foolish? or was it my stupid sin that carried me away. i don't think God let me do it. i think i strayed so far from God that i did. everything's all out of whack now.

lost.

i don’t know how to handle it anymore..how do i hide from something that’s always there?? how do i hide from my own shadow? i pray and pray but that doesn’t seem to work. God seems to be not hearing my prayers..is that cus it’s so selfish?? or is it bcus i’m not hearing what i should be hearing.

can’t i just ask to be selfish for one moment? i don’t ask for much

i dont know.

im so frustrated bcus i need to think about the important things like my future. but instead, this plagues my mind. constantly. i’m being held captive against my will. i’m letting this hold me as a slave..

how do i hate without hating?
how do i forgive and forget?

i miss you

Put down your paper plate
Come to the table made
Deep blue china
Found on the table by the wine
So fine

It brings out flavor
Like You bring out color in life

Oh, I miss You so
The feel of forever
Oh, that taste I know
It hurts to remember

Unfortunatley high
Ironically dissatisfied
I miss You
I miss You..

I had a fleeting thought this morning
And I mentioned you today
It breaks my heart just to know You in part
And not be with You where You are


- Shane & Shane -

Psalm 30:5

Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.

There are times of hurt and pain, but God only wants us to see ahead. Focusing on the pain now and on what is temporary will only make you lose hope. Nighttime always bring darkness, but no matter what happens at night there always will be light in the morning. The sun will always come up, no matter what, despite what happened the night before. There is such strong symbolism there. Paul tells us not to lose heart, and focus on the horizon because dwelling on the pain won't get you far. You have to focus on the rewards that will come later, on what God's promised, and deepening your relationship with the Father because even though there's all this pain and suffering now, God promises to replace whatever's been lost.

Isaiah 53:6

"We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all."

I think i've made the mistake of thinking that i could control my own life. It's not my life to control..it's God's. This life, this body wasn't created so i can control myself..since God's the one who made me, He's the one to control me. and yet, i've foolishly tried to take control, try to make things happen for myself. And then i come across this verse.

My dad grew up in a farm when he was a little boy, and he told me how sheep are actually pretty dumb animals..they're really naive and dirty and have absolutely NO sense of direction. That's why there are shepherds, to keep them from getting lost or whatever..haha. But that's how scripture describes us. We are the sheep..we are stupid, naive, direction-less. Only by the guide of the shepherd can we find our way without getting lost. Yet, this is how i've been living these past couple months. All that hurt i had to go through was because i wandered away from God, like sheep. I tried taking reins of my own life, and it landed me further from God than i ever thought possible. Isaiah 59:2 says, "Your sins have separated you from your God". That was definitely a wake-up call.

The world says to be your own person, a unique individual, and while that's not terrible, God's gonna come along and say that I need a relationship with Him first, before i make my own decisions.

Wounded

Why since you've wound my heart, don't you heal it?
Why don't you heal?
and why since you've stolen my heart, do you leave it so?
Oh this heart of stone.

Why don't you carry away my heart?
You have stolen and left here broken.
Why don't you carry away my heart already taken?
Awaken...

The dawning of a new heart where stone begins to bleed.
For the arrow of God that runs through me leaves me in need.
Here in need.

Why don't you carry away my heart?
You have stolen and left here broken.
Why don't you carry away my heart already taken?

Awaken.

How long? Oh how long?

Why don't you carry away my heart?
You have stolen and left here broken.
Why don't you carry away my heart already taken?

Why don't you carry away my heart?
You have stolen and left here broken.
Why don't you carry away my heart already taken?


- Shane & Shane -

Psalm 143

hear my prayer, give Your ear
in Your faithfulness answer me
in Your righteousness do not judge
for no one is righteous

teach me to do Your will Lord
for you are my God
Your Spirit is good good good
lead me on level ground Lord
for You are my God
Your Spirit is good
it is good

revive me, revive me
not for me but for Your name
in Your mercy deliver me from my enemies
revive me

i remember days of old
Your works i meditate oh Lord
i consider all the works of Your hands
i lift up my hands to you
my soul longs

- Shane & Shane -

Hebrews 11:5-6

"By faith Enoch was taken from this life, so that he did not experience death; he could not be found, because God had taken him away. For before he was taken, he was commended as one who pleased God. And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him."

I guess this goes for serving too. If your heart isn't where it should be, then a couple things are going on:

1) serving without faith

2) God isn't pleased

3) "wrong" rewards

I really liked Joe's sermon today, about who are you seeking to serve when you come to a church, yourself or church (God)? Enoch's every intent of serving was only to serve God, and that required faith. number 1 down. Whatever he did, he did it with faith. and that in turn, pleased God. number 2. no matter if you're "good", "bad", rookie, expert..it don't matter. God only examines the heart. and if you do all that with faith, then you're seeking heavenly treasures, rewards.. which is okay! it's GOOD to seek those rewards that God promises us. it's different from working for the riches that the world promises us, because those are ultimately nothing.

how great would it be to live like Enoch. he pleased God so much, that he just went straight up to heaven. God just called him up to be with Him. how awesome is that....