random rambles

life's so weird. it's a tangle of webs that we can all get easily lost in if we aren't careful. i never listen to what people say, and they're usually those that know me better than i know myself.

my life hasn't been the greatest. i know lots of people have been disappointed throughout their lifetime. people tell me i'm too nice, that i let people in too easily and therefore, i get hurt 100 times more. that's just it. that's my problem. i can't help it if i love too easily, and when i love someone/thing, i'm ready to put myself out there. i'm ready to die for that person, literally. but then there are those who see that as my greatest weakness, my vulnerability, and that makes me seem like a naive person. in psalms 25, david is crying out to God, asking him for strength to not let his enemies trample over him, like they are over me.

i think that through all this, God's trying to teach me something.

i've been selfish practically all my life, and right now, God's telling me to grow up. i need to learn patience. i've never been sucha patient person. to some people, i might be, but my nature is not patient. i have the worst temper (if anyone, ask esther) and i like to complain and have things my way. who doesnt? but ever since my journey into college, i can feel God's hands working through me. He's finally shaping me into the person that He's originally intended. and yeah, i dont necessarily like it sometimes. it requires me to suck it all up and to be the bigger person. but i know it'll have good outcomes. with improvement comes time and suffering.

To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul; in you I trust, O my God. Do not let me be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me. No one whose hope is in you will ever be put to shame, but they will be put to shame who are treacherous without excuse. Show me your ways, O lord, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.

Psalms 25: 1-5