in the zzzooonnneee.

I don't know why, or if it's just me, but whenever i'm writing a looong huge big paper or studying for a really important exam, i go through like those hills of good-study moments, and then some not-so-good-study moments.

so last night, as i was writing my paper, i was on a role! yeeeuh. i woke up from my hour nap and started working on that paper again @ 3am, and i was pounding on this keyboard- thoughts were pouring out of my head and down into my fingertips. this went on for like...a good 30 minutes? (typing that long constantly for 30 minutes is pretty long...) i was writing writing writing, and my page limit was coming closer....and then, i was like "Okay, time for a study break." i'm sad to say, that this happened more often than i could count. =(

where am i going with this?

sometimes i'm in the zone with my spiritual life. i'm diligently reading, QTing, praying, and i feel pretty good. but that should be a red flag right away, right? we don't do this to please ourselves or to make it something to be proud of...well, when this happens, i just wanna take a "spiritual break". i already know i'm 'on the right track', so i should be able to take a break for a little bit, right? WRONG. wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong. you don't take a break from God. this relationship is a full-committal, 1000% deal. and if you break it, then you break it. of course God's a lot more compassionate and merciful than i am. but nothing in scripture exists that allows us a little freebie, or some Me-time. God should always be in every single aspect of my life, even during 'breaks'.

why is it that whenever we get closer to advancing, or taking the next step up, we decide to stop? i mean even if it is just temporary. just because i'm doing "well spiritually" (i don't really like that phrase but ohwell) doesn't mean i deserve a break. because the better and more mature we become, then it's that much more dangerous and becomes more prone to falling away. which, is something i don't want.


k..long day.....paper, lab, quiz, exam....nap time.
see ya~ =)