what's more scarier than death?

As i'm coming closer to submitting my Teach For America application, i find myself worrying and panicking more and more. All these thoughts keep coming to my mind; thoughts like- "What if my answers aren't good enough?" or "There're plenty of people with higher GPAs and more achievements on their resumes than me" or "My application isn't going to stick out to them".. even as i'm writing all this, i can feel my anxiety level rise and rise. Honestly i know that i'm doing all that i can- I've been praying and telling God that this is what I want for probably a good portion of this school year, and i've been spending hours on this app..especially this past week. But, as usual, the worrying kicks in full gear as the due date closes in on me. I know that whatever happens, happens, and if I don't get accepted, then clearly this isn't what God has planned for me. But then what?

I know God's faithful because He's proven and shown me so many times in my life. But (and this is where my human-panick-mode takes over) stuff like this happens where i can't see the next step in my life. That's when it gets real scary. Sometimes, i wish i could just be done with this temporary life and be with God up in heaven and eternal paradise. This uncertainty sure makes me think all sorts of crazy stuff.

Well anyway, i was searching the lyrics to 'Faithful Father' that we sing at church a lot, but i clicked on the link for this song- different song, but all the same meaning. Still singing about a God who longs for me to put all my faith and trust in. I don't know about you, but to me that's scarier than death- blind faith.


Faithful Father by Sarah Kelly

I open my heart
Embracing Your change
On You I fix my gaze
I feel the heat of
Your lamp on my feet
Guiding my way

Why do I worry? Why do I worry about tomorrow?
When You are the one who holds my future in Your hands
Faithful Father I surrender all to You
All my love and my devotion
All to you

Following peace completely fulfilled
I'm confidently still
Through king or stranger
You'll broaden my path
As I walk in Your will, so

My motives and intentions
To You
My trust and my affection to You Lord,
All for You

Faithful Father I surrender all to You
All my love and my devotion
All to you
I surrender all to You
I surrender all to You