there's nothing worse than feeling impatience and frustration at oneself.

i guess almost being 23 means that i've kinda, sorta lived, right? 

with all the people i meet, talk to, get to know, or even just pass by on the street makes me wonder..

what if i wasn't the way i was now? 

sometimes i wish that i wasn't so patient. so reserved, quiet, always thinking about stuff...

i wish i can do things without thinking. reckless and spontaneous. just see something that i want, and do it..try them all. 

i'm afraid that one day, i'll just burst from my bubble and kinda go crazy. either explode externally or internally. and frankly, i don't know which is worse.

what if there was an alternate version of me, living in some out-there universe? i know no such things exist..but it sure is a mind-thumper, thinking and wondering about our alternate selves. 

what does she look like? do we have the same thoughts? would i recognize me there?

trying to find answers within myself never helped. there's only one place that i know of which holds answers, but it feels buried under so much sin and neglect.

are You there?