Merry Christmas

happy birthday, Jesus.

TH&BF

My soul is weak
My heart is numb
I cannot see
But still my hope is found in You
I’ll hold on tightly
You will never let me go
For Jesus, You will never fail
Jesus, You will never fail

Simply to the cross i cling
Letting go of all earthly things
Clinging to the cross
Mercy’s found a way for me
Hope is here as i am free
Jesus, You are all i need
Clinging to the cross

Even darkness is as light to You, my Lord
So light the way and lead me home
To that place where every tear is wiped away
For Jesus, You will never fail
Jesus, You will never fail

What a Saviour, what a story
You were crucified but now You are alive
So amazing, such a mystery
You were crucified but now You are alive

lights are dimming

i haven't prayed in so long, i can feel the light and warmth leaving my heart.

it feels like someone blew out the only lit candle that was in my heart.

that someone was me.

there's nothing worse than feeling impatience and frustration at oneself.

i guess almost being 23 means that i've kinda, sorta lived, right? 

with all the people i meet, talk to, get to know, or even just pass by on the street makes me wonder..

what if i wasn't the way i was now? 

sometimes i wish that i wasn't so patient. so reserved, quiet, always thinking about stuff...

i wish i can do things without thinking. reckless and spontaneous. just see something that i want, and do it..try them all. 

i'm afraid that one day, i'll just burst from my bubble and kinda go crazy. either explode externally or internally. and frankly, i don't know which is worse.

what if there was an alternate version of me, living in some out-there universe? i know no such things exist..but it sure is a mind-thumper, thinking and wondering about our alternate selves. 

what does she look like? do we have the same thoughts? would i recognize me there?

trying to find answers within myself never helped. there's only one place that i know of which holds answers, but it feels buried under so much sin and neglect.

are You there?