timidity.

i've always been shy. ever since i was little, 'SHY' was a part of who i was. i never spoke up in class and i think people loved arguing with me because my passivity let 'em win. i used to think it was a harmless characteristic, like it didn't matter if you were shy, bcus then you have the really really extroverted person, and on the other end is the really shy, introverted person- me.

but i don't think it's necessarily doing me or anyone else any good. in 2 Timothy, one of the first things that Paul tells him is how God doesn't want you to be shy and timid, but be powerful with the word and spirit of God so that you can preach to others. "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline." i'll admit tho, that this was one of the reasons why i didn't want (& still do today) to lead bible study or be a small group leader. i don't like speaking in public, i just don't like it. in fact, i hate it. my tongue gets all tied and altho in my head, i might think i sound good but it's just the opposite. i don't like how i can't sound as eloquent as i think.

but neway.

in the next verse, Paul says "don't be ashamed to testify about our Lord"...i know i'm not ashamed to testify, but then again am i? is my timidness just a door that i hide behind so i won't have to lead a small group or let alone just talk? i don't like thinking that i'm that cowardly..i guess i'll keep finding out about myself over time..