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How does one keep oneself in check to make sure their eyes are focused heavenward and nowhere else? It sometimes feels like i'm exerting physical strength to veer myself and my thoughts back to God when i start wandering.

I know my relationship with God is looking soooooooo good right now. (insert sarcasm) I can't remember the last time i stepped foot inside church, and it's all voluntary. I'm choosing not to go, I'm choosing to do other things on sundays to keep my mind occupied. I miss everything and the way it used to be before I had to grow up and start taking responsibility. My parents were always there to say, let's go to church! or, my youth group duties dragged me out of bed each morning. It's quite funny how those obligations actually were shaping me and my character..but now that everything's not quite as black and white, the gray is all muddy and confusing. like this rant.

But at the end of my frustrating day and whirlwind of mind, i know it's God who loves me and who takes care of me. Not myself, not my friends, not my co-workers, not even my family. God gave me them to do so, but it's all Him. and after i write this sentence, i'm going to lie my little head on that pillow, and rest assured knowing that even if I have a hard time articulating my thoughts, Jesus knows my thoughts.