This new years was the first time I felt really lonely in a long time. I had gotten so used to being surrounded by a comfortable (and godly) group of people but this time wasn't so much. I felt so foreign spending it in such a way that I'd never before: at the bars with drinks in both hands, asian glow flushing my cheeks and chest, and a boozy slur that I'd become all too familiar with. It was my first new years eve that I didn't spend it in a church, holding a candle and reflecting and thanking and meditating about God and my relationship. I missed God yesterday. I missed my mom and dad. I missed my younger siblings. I missed my friends, and I missed church. I think this is one year that a lotttttttt a lot a lot a lot of my flaws are going to be shone in the light.