14 For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
-- Matthew 6: 14-15
yesterday during prayer meeting, a few of us were talking about Pigs & Pearls and i saw this verse. i felt like a huge weight was just pressing down on my heart once i read it, absorbed it, and realized it. the first thing i felt was, yup- this is ME.
how can i expect/ask God to love me and repeatedly forgive me for the sins i commit day to day, when i can't even do that? it's not that someone's sinned against me and i'm having a hard time forgiving..i'm just having a hard time loving. loving it so hard. honestly there are very few people i love enough in this world that i would jump in front of a bullet for them. but God loved us, he loved us enough to send his one&only Son to die on the cross for us. for ME! and here i am, stressing because of my own personal issues. stupid, dumb, useless issues. what have i done that is so great, that puts me on top??
hopefully, this isn't what the scripture is actually saying, but i felt like it was saying that God won't love me until i love back. and not loving God, because i have that part down. it's loving other people that's got me stumped. but if i'm having such a hard time with the latter part, then do i really love God? how do i learn to not love selectively. that is the real question.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Psalm 119: Aleph
1 Blessed are they whose ways are blameless, who walk according to the law of the Lord. 2 Blessed are they who keep his statutes and seek him with all their heart. 3 They do nothing wrong; they walk in his ways. 4 You have laid down precepts that are to be fully obeyed. 5 Oh, that my ways were steadfast in obeying your decrees! 6 Then I would not be put to shame when I consider all your commands. 7 I will praise you with an upright heart as I learn your righteous laws. 8 I will obey your decrees; do not utterly forsake me.
this psalm is so beautiful. i think in this little section, it pretty much describes everything that i want to be. you just can't go wrong by following God's laws. david blesses those who obey God wholeheartedly, seek him with all their hearts, and praise Him with an upright heart... it's so pure, clean, and i get a tingly feeling up and down my spine.
and the last part; pledging to follow God and asking him with all that david is not to forsake him. it's like the perfect icing on the cake. as followers of Christ, these are the things we should be striving for everyday. David is so passionate in writing this psalm, i want to be like him. i want to devote 1000% of my heart to God, until every cell in my body is screaming out to God and His ways.
i still have a long way to go.
this psalm is so beautiful. i think in this little section, it pretty much describes everything that i want to be. you just can't go wrong by following God's laws. david blesses those who obey God wholeheartedly, seek him with all their hearts, and praise Him with an upright heart... it's so pure, clean, and i get a tingly feeling up and down my spine.
and the last part; pledging to follow God and asking him with all that david is not to forsake him. it's like the perfect icing on the cake. as followers of Christ, these are the things we should be striving for everyday. David is so passionate in writing this psalm, i want to be like him. i want to devote 1000% of my heart to God, until every cell in my body is screaming out to God and His ways.
i still have a long way to go.
Monday, February 1, 2010
it's a scary road out there
In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.
-- Proverbs 16:9
sometimes i just can't help but come back to this verse. i can't remember how many times that i or someone else have asked a question that begins with, "how do you know if God wants you to do this?" or "what if God doesn't want you to do that?" these are typically the questions that pop into our heads before or during the course of making a huge important, maybe even life-altering decisions.
lately i've been awake at night, trying to think what i'm going to do with the rest of my life. if i was a person of the world, then i probably only need to worry about where i'm gonna live, what am i gonna do, how much do i wanna make/strive for,..etc. but that's not exactly the case.
i like to think that i'm a person of God, and so other factors need to be included. like, what path should i take so that i'll still be happy with what i do but in the end, returning all the glory to God..? you know, those kinds of questions. i often find that while i pray for my future, i can't pray sometimes because i don't really know what i'm supposed to pray for! and that. is one of the most frustrating things i've ever experienced. if we pray from the deepest, most bottom-est places of our hearts, then God will surely answer.. but what if you don't even know what in the most deepest, bottom-est place of your heart?
and then i come to this verse. i can plan my future, but God will determine how i get there. ultimately, He is going to be the one who decides how i will live the life that i chose for myself. God did give us that freedom of choice..the whole notion of Free Will. i can technically choose to do anything i want, but then he'll take the reins at some point, and just guide my life down the path that he has planned for me.
scary, but comforting. because to some extent, my future is in my own hands too. but then God has control of my hands.
-- Proverbs 16:9
sometimes i just can't help but come back to this verse. i can't remember how many times that i or someone else have asked a question that begins with, "how do you know if God wants you to do this?" or "what if God doesn't want you to do that?" these are typically the questions that pop into our heads before or during the course of making a huge important, maybe even life-altering decisions.
lately i've been awake at night, trying to think what i'm going to do with the rest of my life. if i was a person of the world, then i probably only need to worry about where i'm gonna live, what am i gonna do, how much do i wanna make/strive for,..etc. but that's not exactly the case.
i like to think that i'm a person of God, and so other factors need to be included. like, what path should i take so that i'll still be happy with what i do but in the end, returning all the glory to God..? you know, those kinds of questions. i often find that while i pray for my future, i can't pray sometimes because i don't really know what i'm supposed to pray for! and that. is one of the most frustrating things i've ever experienced. if we pray from the deepest, most bottom-est places of our hearts, then God will surely answer.. but what if you don't even know what in the most deepest, bottom-est place of your heart?
and then i come to this verse. i can plan my future, but God will determine how i get there. ultimately, He is going to be the one who decides how i will live the life that i chose for myself. God did give us that freedom of choice..the whole notion of Free Will. i can technically choose to do anything i want, but then he'll take the reins at some point, and just guide my life down the path that he has planned for me.
scary, but comforting. because to some extent, my future is in my own hands too. but then God has control of my hands.
His seeds
22 Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply, from the heart. 23 for you have been born again, not of perishable seed, but of imperishable, through the living and enduring word of God.
-- 1 Peter 1:22-23
i find myself often hating. sometimes, i'm so consumed by hate, it eats me alive. Peter tells us that we have been reborn through Christ. we first was born into sin, but through the blood of Jesus, we were born again and this time in the word and love of God, making us new.
someone told me to picture it this way- before we knew Christ, our heartbeats were dead..just a flatline. but after salvation, our hearts start beating again. like we wake up from a deep coma, but only this coma is what we started out from.
so now that i am reborn in Christ, i have to love like He does. but a lot of times, i can't do that! i just find myself hating, and i hate hating. it's so tiring, mentally and spiritually and emotionally draining, and most of the time, those people don't even know it. they have no idea that i have this consuming, firing hate for them, and they haven't even done anything. personally to me.
i hate that i hate. i wish i could love. Jesus loves me, and so why can't I? a farmer plants a seed expecting it to grow a certain way. my dad used to plant his own garden, and he'd plant various vegetables... when he plants a tomato seed, he expects to see a tomato the next season. God planted me as his seed expecting me to grow up to love and live like His son. but i am such a bad tomato. i'm rotten, all moldy and yucky, only good enough for the little animals to feed off of.
i don't wanna be a bad tomato. i wanna be a good ripe, red tomato. i pray and pray continually that God would soften my heart, but my pride sometimes stops me even in the midst of prayer! wow Satan. great move. He's just creeping in through the backdoor like always.
1 Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind. 2 Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, 3 now that you have tasted that the Lord is good.
-- 1 Peter 2: 1-3
i wonder how many times i used the word 'hate' in this blog.
i don't really wanna know.
-- 1 Peter 1:22-23
i find myself often hating. sometimes, i'm so consumed by hate, it eats me alive. Peter tells us that we have been reborn through Christ. we first was born into sin, but through the blood of Jesus, we were born again and this time in the word and love of God, making us new.
someone told me to picture it this way- before we knew Christ, our heartbeats were dead..just a flatline. but after salvation, our hearts start beating again. like we wake up from a deep coma, but only this coma is what we started out from.
so now that i am reborn in Christ, i have to love like He does. but a lot of times, i can't do that! i just find myself hating, and i hate hating. it's so tiring, mentally and spiritually and emotionally draining, and most of the time, those people don't even know it. they have no idea that i have this consuming, firing hate for them, and they haven't even done anything. personally to me.
i hate that i hate. i wish i could love. Jesus loves me, and so why can't I? a farmer plants a seed expecting it to grow a certain way. my dad used to plant his own garden, and he'd plant various vegetables... when he plants a tomato seed, he expects to see a tomato the next season. God planted me as his seed expecting me to grow up to love and live like His son. but i am such a bad tomato. i'm rotten, all moldy and yucky, only good enough for the little animals to feed off of.
i don't wanna be a bad tomato. i wanna be a good ripe, red tomato. i pray and pray continually that God would soften my heart, but my pride sometimes stops me even in the midst of prayer! wow Satan. great move. He's just creeping in through the backdoor like always.
1 Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind. 2 Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, 3 now that you have tasted that the Lord is good.
-- 1 Peter 2: 1-3
i wonder how many times i used the word 'hate' in this blog.
i don't really wanna know.
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