Every. Single. Time.
That I am tired, exhausted, FRUSTRATED from the lack of motivation from work+school+life, I get angry. It is my natural emotion to the things that I cannot control in my life, for the most part.
I'm still trying to figure out how much of this new 'job' is my choice. Did I choose it? I know my own choices did not lead me down here, but after that involuntary choice, I did decide to stay. It is anytime that I have to prepare for Sundays, that the enemy sneaks in and I get angry. Angry, angry, angry.
But still, begrudgingly I open up that sacred book that I have come to hate+love... flip mindlessly through the gospel of John because that is the sermon topic of the month, and stop at John 7. Jesus' brothers ridicule him.
"Therefore Jesus told them, 'My time is not yet here; for you any time will do. The world cannot hate you, but it hates me because I testify that its works are evil. You go to the festival. I am not going up to this festival, because my time has not yet fully come.' After he had said this, he stayed in Galilee. However, after his brothers had left for the festival, he went also, not publicly, but in secret." - John 7:1-10
The commentary for this part asked this: if Jesus came with the greatest gift of preaching and spreading God's word, why did he do it in secret? Why did he let the fact that he would get in trouble keep preaching in secret? -- Led me to think of those Christian martyrs, how they died, burned at the stake for publicly proclaiming their faith in Christ, and then Christ himself to go quietly?
It makes me further think about the time I'm living and working in now. I live in an era where although there is still so much 'persecution' of Christians it is still legal for me to teach the Word.
The gift of the Word is life. It is truth. It is the way.
It is a gift, a privilege for being able to spread it with others. To share with young people, who are the passion of my life and being. Then I come back full circle to how I was feeling right before I opened up.... all the anger I felt, the resentment at my parents for making me take this job... the frustration at my boss (not church) for being so difficult to work with... the lack of control I feel at my own life... all these negative things I feel come to a halt because I have a voice. I'm able to speak and have those words be listened to.
'Many people today have the privilege of teaching, preaching, and worshiping publicly with little persecution. These believers should be grateful and make the most of their opportunities to proclaim the gospel.'
Saturday, August 9, 2014
Monday, November 4, 2013
and 3.5 years later...
"Some people fail to integrate their lives around Christ because they lack spiritual passion and are unconvinced that obedience to him in all things is worthwhile. Like the people to whom Malachi addressed his prophetic oracle, they suffer from spiritual sloth and indifference. If we fail to hone a sense of divine calling in this world, we can slip into spiritual lethargy, boredom, despondency, and burnout." - Kenneth Boa in Conformed to His Image: Biblical and Practical Approaches to Spiritual Discipline
I'm reading this for class right now, and it answers clearly the questions about leadership that I had 3-4 years ago. Serving God is supposed to make you joyful. Note, I'm purposefully saying joyful and not happy because there's a significant difference between the two. So many of us dedicated so much of our study time (and grades for that matter) to serve God and His people in college... then only weeks into a new school year, we'd have people dropping like flies with excuses left and right. I wondered why people were so unhappy when they were doing things that were supposed to make them not so unhappy... and then years later, I read in my spiritual formation textbook the reason why this was happening.
"..we fail(ed) to hone a sense of divine calling in this world" which to our demise, led to "spiritual lethargy, boredom, despondency, and burnout." Our focus wasn't on God and his Kingdom, it was honed on us. We got angry if we planned for an event that no one showed up to. We got frustrated when leaders couldn't deal with personal issues that affected church events and responsibilities. We let our emotions get the best of us, instead of focusing on the deeper, inner joy that was supposed to satisfy because we were selfish.
It's easy to fall into that trap and say that we are 'obeying' God when we serve. I find that to be extremely deceptive. You don't obey God first by what you do; obeying God is first done by honing in that divine calling, which begins in the heart.
I'm reading this for class right now, and it answers clearly the questions about leadership that I had 3-4 years ago. Serving God is supposed to make you joyful. Note, I'm purposefully saying joyful and not happy because there's a significant difference between the two. So many of us dedicated so much of our study time (and grades for that matter) to serve God and His people in college... then only weeks into a new school year, we'd have people dropping like flies with excuses left and right. I wondered why people were so unhappy when they were doing things that were supposed to make them not so unhappy... and then years later, I read in my spiritual formation textbook the reason why this was happening.
"..we fail(ed) to hone a sense of divine calling in this world" which to our demise, led to "spiritual lethargy, boredom, despondency, and burnout." Our focus wasn't on God and his Kingdom, it was honed on us. We got angry if we planned for an event that no one showed up to. We got frustrated when leaders couldn't deal with personal issues that affected church events and responsibilities. We let our emotions get the best of us, instead of focusing on the deeper, inner joy that was supposed to satisfy because we were selfish.
It's easy to fall into that trap and say that we are 'obeying' God when we serve. I find that to be extremely deceptive. You don't obey God first by what you do; obeying God is first done by honing in that divine calling, which begins in the heart.
Monday, October 21, 2013
Psalm 37:11
I feel like this passage was written to encourage me specifically. David says the 'meek' will inherit the land and enjoy peace. Synonyms for 'meek' are also timid, submissive, docile, modest, etc. These are all words that I think pretty much sum me up, and it's a huge encouragement. All of these things that the world wouldn't look to highly upon are actually praised and encouraged in scripture. Be quiet and still, and wait for the Lord.
I feel as if the scripture is the only place that will encourage an introverted personality like mine. The world is all about boosting self-confidence, making others believe you are 1000% sure about yourself, and having to carry self in a high manner. I don't necessarily embrace let alone agree with those ideals. I think it's okay for someone to be meek because there is no telling who or what style of a person God will use. In the bible there are examples of God using murderers, prostitutes, and even evil kings to do his work. In comparison, my meek personality is barely a scratch to the surface.
God thank you for not just loving the powerful, successful, extraverts. Thank you for remembering those who are still quiet and shy. You have no favorites; you are the ultimate just and fair God. Help me not to be too self-critical. While at times it serves me, sometimes I feel that I cross the line and it borders around self-hate and pity. Help me to realize that my personality is also made in Your image. Help me to love and appreciate this body and mind that you've given to me, as it is also considered as a tool to carry out your kingdom work here on earth.
I feel like this passage was written to encourage me specifically. David says the 'meek' will inherit the land and enjoy peace. Synonyms for 'meek' are also timid, submissive, docile, modest, etc. These are all words that I think pretty much sum me up, and it's a huge encouragement. All of these things that the world wouldn't look to highly upon are actually praised and encouraged in scripture. Be quiet and still, and wait for the Lord.
I feel as if the scripture is the only place that will encourage an introverted personality like mine. The world is all about boosting self-confidence, making others believe you are 1000% sure about yourself, and having to carry self in a high manner. I don't necessarily embrace let alone agree with those ideals. I think it's okay for someone to be meek because there is no telling who or what style of a person God will use. In the bible there are examples of God using murderers, prostitutes, and even evil kings to do his work. In comparison, my meek personality is barely a scratch to the surface.
God thank you for not just loving the powerful, successful, extraverts. Thank you for remembering those who are still quiet and shy. You have no favorites; you are the ultimate just and fair God. Help me not to be too self-critical. While at times it serves me, sometimes I feel that I cross the line and it borders around self-hate and pity. Help me to realize that my personality is also made in Your image. Help me to love and appreciate this body and mind that you've given to me, as it is also considered as a tool to carry out your kingdom work here on earth.
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
chaotic
Isaiah 3
The first and the scariest that is mentioned is that God will take away food and water. It is a frightening thing because God is so angry that he’s going to take away their sustenance, which without them they will starve, so already they are on their road to death. There will be conflict within households and communities, and children will end up governing. Because people have been governing and ruling with oppression, God is going take his rightful place in court to judge everyone accordingly. Then he turns to the women and their vanity. He will take away everything that makes them proud (e.g. perfume, clothes, etc) and replace them with “baldness” and “stench”. The whole nation becomes chaotic with systems falling apart, people turning against each other, and eventually crumbling within.
The first thing I thought of while reading this was chaos. How chaotic a society has (will) become when its people, from the officials to everyday citizens, refuse to follow God. I can feel God slowly withdrawing his spirit from these people, and start to fear that this is exactly what will probably happen to us. My challenge to myself is how to live as a salt and light figure among all of this. How can I love those who question and spit on the very God who created them?
Lord thank you that even thought you knew we would choose evil, you still gave us power and authority to govern on earth. In the midst of all the wickedness that’s happening in our society, it’s becoming more and more clear just how good you are and how weak and destitute we are. Thank you for revealing that to me this morning. God I pray for this nation. We are becoming more and more evil each day, and children are coming to governing power. People who refuse to know you, listen to you, or even acknowledge your existence are the ones starting to control how we should walk and talk in this ‘free country’. I pray for my heart that you would be the supreme ruler of it, and that I would not fall prey to their teachings. Keep me grounded in your word.
The first and the scariest that is mentioned is that God will take away food and water. It is a frightening thing because God is so angry that he’s going to take away their sustenance, which without them they will starve, so already they are on their road to death. There will be conflict within households and communities, and children will end up governing. Because people have been governing and ruling with oppression, God is going take his rightful place in court to judge everyone accordingly. Then he turns to the women and their vanity. He will take away everything that makes them proud (e.g. perfume, clothes, etc) and replace them with “baldness” and “stench”. The whole nation becomes chaotic with systems falling apart, people turning against each other, and eventually crumbling within.
The first thing I thought of while reading this was chaos. How chaotic a society has (will) become when its people, from the officials to everyday citizens, refuse to follow God. I can feel God slowly withdrawing his spirit from these people, and start to fear that this is exactly what will probably happen to us. My challenge to myself is how to live as a salt and light figure among all of this. How can I love those who question and spit on the very God who created them?
Lord thank you that even thought you knew we would choose evil, you still gave us power and authority to govern on earth. In the midst of all the wickedness that’s happening in our society, it’s becoming more and more clear just how good you are and how weak and destitute we are. Thank you for revealing that to me this morning. God I pray for this nation. We are becoming more and more evil each day, and children are coming to governing power. People who refuse to know you, listen to you, or even acknowledge your existence are the ones starting to control how we should walk and talk in this ‘free country’. I pray for my heart that you would be the supreme ruler of it, and that I would not fall prey to their teachings. Keep me grounded in your word.
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