anger is the gateway for the enemy

Every. Single. Time.

That I am tired, exhausted, FRUSTRATED from the lack of motivation from work+school+life, I get angry. It is my natural emotion to the things that I cannot control in my life, for the most part.

I'm still trying to figure out how much of this new 'job' is my choice. Did I choose it? I know my own choices did not lead me down here, but after that involuntary choice, I did decide to stay. It is anytime that I have to prepare for Sundays, that the enemy sneaks in and I get angry. Angry, angry, angry.

But still, begrudgingly I open up that sacred book that I have come to hate+love... flip mindlessly through the gospel of John because that is the sermon topic of the month, and stop at John 7. Jesus' brothers ridicule him.

"Therefore Jesus told them, 'My time is not yet here; for you any time will do. The world cannot hate you, but it hates me because I testify that its works are evil. You go to the festival. I am not going up to this festival, because my time has not yet fully come.' After he had said this, he stayed in Galilee. However, after his brothers had left for the festival, he went also, not publicly, but in secret." - John 7:1-10

The commentary for this part asked this: if Jesus came with the greatest gift of preaching and spreading God's word, why did he do it in secret? Why did he let the fact that he would get in trouble keep preaching in secret?  -- Led me to think of those Christian martyrs, how they died, burned at the stake for publicly proclaiming their faith in Christ, and then Christ himself to go quietly?

It makes me further think about the time I'm living and working in now. I live in an era where although there is still so much 'persecution' of Christians it is still legal for me to teach the Word.

The gift of the Word is life. It is truth. It is the way.

It is a gift, a privilege for being able to spread it with others. To share with young people, who are the passion of my life and being. Then I come back full circle to how I was feeling right before I opened up.... all the anger I felt, the resentment at my parents for making me take this job... the frustration at my boss (not church) for being so difficult to work with... the lack of control I feel at my own life... all these negative things I feel come to a halt because I have a voice. I'm able to speak and have those words be listened to.

'Many people today have the privilege of teaching, preaching, and worshiping publicly with little persecution. These believers should be grateful and make the most of their opportunities to proclaim the gospel.'